I currently seem to spend my days in a permanent state of exhaustion, with an aching back and itchy, tired eyes desperate to curl up in bed, but all I can think of is that the kitchen needs cleaning/washing needs doing/Isla’s toys need tidying/prep for tea needs doing etc etc etc.
Ever since Isla was born, I’ve been trying my best to keep a clean, tidy, harmonious house for my family. The last thing I’ve ever wanted is for my nearest and dearest is to think is that I’m lazy and I keep a horribly messy house for poor Isla and Hubs to live in, so I seem to go into overdrive and become a Stepford wife.
Hubs, to his credit, has told me many times there’s no pressure on me to keep the house immaculate and food on the table, and as long as Isla is happy that’s all he cares about. Yet I feel as a wife and mum I need to keep a tidy home with plenty of food, especially as he works away so much.
But what keeps going through my mind is that I’m obviously doing something wrong because I know I couldn’t cope with another child right now, if at all, yet other mums do exactly what I’m doing, and probably more, with multiple children. People always ask if Isla will be having a brother or sister soon and I feel I’m depriving her of a sibling and condemning her to a lonely life as an only child by not having another, as society seems to demand. Yet I know I’d struggle to cope with a career and more than one child, so does that mean there’s something wrong with me? Am I not “mumming” hard enough? Or well enough?
I know this pressure is all in my head, but I’m desperate for people to think I’m a good mum and if people see this knackered, frazzled mess I’m worried they’ll think I’m not cut out for this. One of my friends is a working mum with three children and she makes it look bloody effortless! Why can’t that be me?!