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The bump, the toddler, and me 🤢😴😃😡😭

So here we are, pregnancy number 2, and as this will be our second and final baby, I’m determined to enjoy this pregnancy.

Except it’s really bloody hard to enjoy this one so far…

When I was pregnant with Isla, I was tired all the time and was constantly sick, morning, noon and night, right up until 21 weeks. But at least I was able to rest a bit and didn’t have a toddler to chase after. Without wanting to sound whiny, this pregnancy is so much harder than my first.

I’ve got the crushing exhaustion and sickness as before, but there’s a huge variety of food and drink that triggers the sickness this time – spicy food, rich food, any hot drinks, dairy (even butter on toast or milk on cereal is a no-no) – and I’ve also been blessed with insomnia this time. Because I’m so tired, I’m asleep by 9pm most nights, which in turn then means I’m awake at 3/4am and can’t sleep for love nor money, so I’m exhausted by 8pm, and so the cycle continues.

Whether Hubs agrees with this or not is debatable, but I didn’t really have mood swings with my first pregnancy, but this time around, my moods have been up and down more than a whore’s drawers, as my mum would have said. It’s not fun.

The positives? This time my skin and hair are less greasy and my hair feels thicker, which I didn’t have first time around.

I’m also so excited that we’re completing our family, and despite the icky symptoms, I am loving being pregnant again. Being able to feel the baby wriggling inside me is a magical feeling.’

And the biggest positive? Isla is so excited to be a big sister. She kisses my bump and says hello to the baby all the time, and has been telling everyone that “mummy has a baby in her tummy”. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to have a preference over whether she has a brother or sister, which is just as well since we’re not finding out what we’re having this time, but that’s another story…

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Ding ding, round 2…

Remember how, pretty much 18 months ago, I said I wouldn’t be having any more kids because of how tough my first pregnancy was and blah blah blah?

Yeah, that didn’t last.

Roughly about 6 months after I published that blog post, I woke up one morning and just decided I desperately wanted another baby. Like, right now. All of the reasons I said to stay on just the one child went right out of the window.

So Hubs and I talked and decided that as we had problems conceiving Isla, we should probably get a move on if we wanted to try again, as my PCOS would probably have gotten worse over the past 3 years. So I made an appointment with the lovely gynaecologist who helped us conceive Isla (with the right medication you understand, no funny business…) and he put me on Clomid, as he did before, and we started trying in May last year.

Only this time, Round 2 proved to be more problematic. The first three cycles were unsuccessful, and the multiple negative pregnancy tests I took each month were incredibly disheartening. I went back to my gynaecologist for various tests which showed I was ovulating, so I was given three more cycles of clomid and it was just a case of “keep going.” I started using a fertility app to track my cycles and scrutinised any signs that I might be ovulating each month, putting ridiculous pressure on us to “get it right”.

Two more unsuccessful cycles followed, and by October, after I got my period at work and had a little cry in the office toilets, I was beginning to panic. I’d already read a lot of websites about secondary infertility (yes, I know…) and was so worried it wouldn’t happen for us. I know how lucky we are to already have our beautiful girl, but I felt like a failure for not being able to give her a brother or sister.

So in November, we decided to get Hubs’ swimmers tested, which meant that we’d have to “abstain” for a week before the test. This week happened to fall during my fertile period, so in my eyes, November was a write-off to try properly. Or was it…?

On December 1st, my period was a day late. And I knew. I just knew. Just as had happened with Isla, the second we stopped “trying”, it happened. It just goes to show that putting too much pressure on yourself only makes it harder. If you’re struggling to conceive, take a break from it and try to relax, and maybe, just maybe…

So here we are, 20 weeks along with baby number 2. And remember I was concerned that being pregnant and coping with crushing exhaustion and constant sickness while running after a toddler would be incredibly tough? I was right. This pregnancy is much tougher than my first! But more on that later, I’ve rambled on long enough here!

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Things not to say to a pregnant lady

Pretty much as soon as we announced that we we having a baby, I’ve been deluged with “helpful” advice, comments about my weight and declarations of how hard our lives are about to become. Granted, who the comment comes from and how said comment was phrased has been met with different reactions. For example my friends calling me fatty is fine, because I was a trim size 8/10 BC (Before Child), but people I hardly know commenting on my weight is a big no-no. Certain things I feel you just shouldn’t say, and quite a few comments I had during my pregnancy rankled. Here’s just a few of my “favourites”

– “What will you DO if it’s twins?” (From a friend of a friend just before my 12 week scan…well, it’s not like I can send one back is it?!)

– “Wow, that’s a big bump! Are you sure you’re only 16 weeks?” (From a woman I met at a conference. No love, the midwives and doctors have got it wrong.)

This was bump at 16 weeks, it’s not that big is it?!

– “You’re definitely having a girl because your hips have spread” (well thank you wife-of-acquaintance-I’ve-met-once for your kind words, my self confidence about my growing body has just sky rocketed.)

– “You’re going to be breast feeding?! Good luck, it’s so hard, I had to give up at 2 weeks!“ (Well doesn’t that fill you with confidence! Thanks neighbour of my auntie)

– “You look really big and tired today!” (How kind of you to say friend-of-the-family, because that’s exactly how I feel. And now I feel twice as big.)

– “I had to be induced/have an episiotomy/Caesarian section/to be stitched from front to back. It was more painful than giving birth!” (Heard all of these from different people, which put the fear of Christ up me.)

– “”Don’t breastfeed, it’ll ruin your boobs forever!” (Absolutely, because that’s my number one priority, not my baby’s wellbeing.)

– “Oooh don’t eat that, you’ll never lose the weight when the baby’s born you know!” (Great, thanks. Take away the fun out of treating myself to some ice cream why don’t you?)

I wonder, have any of you other mummies had any similar comments that have hacked you off to? What is it about pregnancy that makes people think it’s ok to comment on your weight?!